There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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