I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
