he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize