if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize