i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
