she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize