sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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