I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
