did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
