In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
