There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
