Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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