THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
