Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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