Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
