Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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