I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
