You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
