You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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