I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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