I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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