how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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