And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
