I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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