Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
