I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
