the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
