my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
