Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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