I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
