at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize