I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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