I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize