you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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