kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
