Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
