The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
