I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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