Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
