I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
