Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
