i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
