return my video game
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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