He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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