3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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