Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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