This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
