There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
