I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
