I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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