My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
