# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
