Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
