he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
