Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She told me I should be a condom model.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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