I wanna bring you to show and tell
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
