Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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