even my farts smell like vagina
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
