I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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