Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
