I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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