If that was your dad, he is hot
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
