I didn't shave. On purpose
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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