What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
where are my eyebrows?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
