i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
